Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My ass is underappreciated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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