You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
