Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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