final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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