I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
