im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
