Pants 0. Shit 1.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
