Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
