You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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