eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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