Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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