i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is my gift to your gina
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
