your parents love me but you hate me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize