So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
