He is an equal opportunity slut.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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