you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
