What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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