I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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