this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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