I'm gonna have a badass scar
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
