I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
