You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
