Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
