Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
