Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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