I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
