Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
