I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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