dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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