Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
