I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
