I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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