shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
