Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
