It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you still have your period?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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