broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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