i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
