remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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