remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
