I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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