I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
