If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
