why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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