So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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