I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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