you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The air was thick with penises
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
