just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
