some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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