Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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