Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
