How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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