As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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