Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
