I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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