Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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