I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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