I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
