I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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