Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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