Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
