nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize