Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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