my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
