it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
