i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
