if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
