Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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