I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
