I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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