She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Enjoy the penises
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
