So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
