This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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