rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
