I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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