Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
