She announced her abortion via fbk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
