soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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