Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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