Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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