Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
