I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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