i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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