So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
be right there i have to get my cape
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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