I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
