She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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