remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
