Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
