so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
